Starting a new school year brings on so many emotions. Some feel excited to meet new classmates and teachers, while others feel nervous wondering how they will fit in. Some of us struggle with feeling both ways. How can we possibly feel excited and nervous at the same time? I often feel very uncomfortable with opposing emotions, but so often feel them and have found ways to be more accepting of this as I've gotten older. But also, I've gotten better at saying it and honoring those feelings. I'm finding this to be super helpful with my almost eight-year-old who has been displaying more signs of anxiety lately. With the global pandemic, and school looking more different than it has ever looked, I worry for a child who is feeling anxious, as much as I worry for my own anxiety. I've really tried to find ways to be more mindful of my feelings and why I feel them. In turn, I make my son do the same. It seems so simple to just say "I feel ____ because ____." How could something so simple be so effective? But it is.
For me, there are larger issues at hand that make my feelings more complex, but for my son's simple mind, identifying why he feels a certain way actually makes him feel better. Maybe not better, but it gives him relief to realize, "Oh, that's why I'm sad. That makes sense." I always try to honor his feelings too, and let him cry if he is sad. Crying is a release of energy, which is a good thing. It's allowing the shift. I tell him I understand why he feels that way, and that it is okay to feel sad, or angry, or worried. It's also okay to cry when we are sad. We feel these ways, and we need to honor that. I am very careful not to try to "fix" his feelings. I offer him ideas for thinking about it, but I never tell him not to be sad. I let him feel sad, but then try to think of what also makes him happy. In this world, especially right now, we feel sad. And much of what makes us feel sad has no solution yet. I need to teach my child that we don't always have solutions, sometimes we have to wait, or find them on our own.
This new school year is going to bring on a whole new set of emotions and problems, for all of us. Last year, I made a change from teaching fifth grade to first grade. It was literally the hardest thing I ever did in my career, until now. I feel a lot of feels right now over this new challenge coming my way. I am reinventing and recreating the unknown, and many of my tried and true tools are not going to be at my fingertips anymore. I remember watching Apollo 13 many years ago (see clip below), and NASA was challenged to make a "square peg fit into a round hole" to save the astronauts who didn't land on the Moon (keep in mind that this was a true story). This is how I feel going into this school year. We once again, have to make the impossible, possible, just like we did in March. Looking around at my amazing peers, I know we are going to make it happen. It's not going to be easy. We are probably going to fail at something along the way. But there is one thing I know about teachers. We are problem-solvers. Any big company would be lucky to have a teacher come on board with them. We will make a square peg fit into a round hole, and many of us are going to make it look easy, even though behind the scenes we are scared and sad and nervous.
So to my fellow teachers, and my fellow parents who are helping us teach now too, I challenge you to honor your feelings. Be kind to your teachers who are cringing on the inside with vulnerability right now, and smiling on the outside because your child deserves the best we have to offer. Be the best problem-solvers that you can be. Nothing about this is easy, for any of us. I think when I really analyzed my feelings, I realized I am scared because I don't want to fail at teaching my students, and I'm sad because school isn't going to be the same for my own children. I'm a veteran teacher feeling like a first year teacher, again. But I felt that way last year when I switched grade levels, and I was okay. So many questions are unanswered right now, but when we get down to the teaching, you are the rockstars that will find a way to make it work, and your students and families will follow your lead. We are all in this together, and at this moment, I truly believe that together, we are going to make the square peg fit. And to quote what is clearly such an appropriate movie in a pandemic, "Failure is not an option." But really, failure is an option, as long as you get back up and find another way.
Apollo 13